My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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