I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
