and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
