Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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