I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
