the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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