it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
