The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
