I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You ate ashes out of my bong
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
