Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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