I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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