The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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