im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
