I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
