Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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