I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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