I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
