i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
