It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
