i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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