k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you made out with another girl for some wings
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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