pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
