careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
