Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
