Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
