I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
