FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
