also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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