Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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