He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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