I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
