apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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