I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i need some magic done to my vagina
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
