i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
