i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
