Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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