you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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