Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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