He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
