i don't like sucking hair
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
