Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
