How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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