When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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