This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
