They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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