Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
