yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
