Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
