So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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