took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
