M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
