he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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