I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize