Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
