This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize