my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
