The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
