I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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