dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
