Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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