I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
