You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
