I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize