Duck Duck Cougar?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
