her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
