So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
