The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
