he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
