I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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