remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
