What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
