I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
