dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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