Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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