Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
