I wish my penis had an off switch
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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