i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
